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Chapter 8: How To Talk With Women

Now that you have learned how to use non-verbal language to attract, approach, and seduce women it is time to figure out how to talk with women. When talking with a woman, you want her to feel a connection with you. A woman wants a man to understand what she is saying, and men want a woman to feel at ease with him. These two things go hand in hand. If a woman feels that you understand her, she will feel more comfortable and she will be more likely to be receptive to your advances and go out with you.

This chapter is all about the spoken language. Once you’ve mastered the material in this chapter, your actions or words will never be misinterpreted again. You’ll learn the basics to having a successful conversation with any woman. You will learn what to say and what not to say, and a few general principles to keep in mind when talking to a woman.

Your Goal

There is one main reason you are talking to this woman – the chance you will get sexual with her. Maybe you want a relationship, maybe a one-night stand, but ultimately you want sex. You aren’t talking to her because you really want to learn more about her or carry on a conversation.

You are using conversation as a way to get closer to
your goal of establishing an intimate relationship with her.

Women gauge their relationships on how well they relate to that person. If you want to relate with a woman you have to create emotional involvement. Of course, for you, conversation is a way to get more information about her. But for women it is more about how she interacts with you, and how you make her feel. It is important get along well with her if you want to see her again. This means a lot to a woman. Talk about what you like and dislike, ask her questions, and answer her questions. Offer your personal opinions as well. This will make her feel closer to you and she will move to a more personal conversation.

It is useful to try to attach a feeling to the facts she reveals to you. For example, ask her how she feels about her work, or, if you see her at the gym, tell her how much you admire that she takes care of her body. Tie in your feelings with the situation and/or any facts she gives you. Remember, the more comfortable you make her feel by understanding her, and showing emotion, the better chance you have of seeing her again. You need to use this conversation to build the foundation for a possible relationship with this woman.

The main goal of this conversation is to become personally involved with this woman and to get certain information from her. You need to get three vital pieces of information if you want to see her again.

Get Her Vitals

Before we discuss how to talk to women, let us talk about what the conversation should get us. When you first meet a woman, there are three pieces of personal information you must get from her. The whole basis of your relationship depends on getting this information. Success or failure at this task will determine whether or not you will see her again. You must make it your priority to get this vital information when talking to a woman that you have just met and that you’re interested in. Focus on these three very important pieces of information.

Vital Fact #1: Her Name

When you introduce yourself to her, ask for her name right away. Be sure to use her name in the next couple of sentences. Women appreciate a guy who actually pays attention, and using her name will show her that you are interested in her. Repeating her name back to her is also a good way for you to remember it, and to make sure you heard her correctly. The more you pay attention to a woman, the more she will like you.

Vital Fact #2: A Common Thread

You need to ask her a couple of questions to get more information about her. Find a way for the two of you to be connected. This might be a common interest, a mutual friend, or the same favorite drink. You want to use this common factor to relate to her, and you want to give her a reason to trust you.

Vital Fact #3: Her Number

Before the conversation comes to an end, you must make sure you have a way to get in touch with her. This usually means her phone number. Or, ask for her email address. In this day and age there aren’t too many people that don’t have email either at home or at work. You will learn more about getting her number in Chapter 10 How to Get and Execute a Date.

Know these three pieces of information, and make it your priority to get them from every woman you are interested in.

The Basics

Now that you know about getting a woman’s vitals, you need to know how to talk to her. This can be harder than it sounds. When you try to compare the way men talk to each other and the way women talk to each other it’s like comparing apples and oranges.

Men talk facts, women talk feelings.

If you want to talk the same language as women then you need to express emotion when you talk. Inherently, men aren’t very good at this, and that is why the first thing you should do in a conversation is listen to her. You need to listen to her and relate to her conversation. Ask questions about what she is telling you, and involve yourself in her future. You need to learn how to share personal experiences with a woman to create an intimate connection.

Listen

The first thing you want to do while having a conversation with a woman is to listen. Too often, men ramble on about themselves leaving their date bored and feeling ignored. You want your date to open up, to share personal feelings and opinions, and to establish a trustful relationship with you. When a man listens to a woman, and really pays attention to what she is saying, she feels that he is genuinely interested in her for her, not just for her body.

Women want a man to show genuine interest in her
life, her opinions,and her contributions to the conversation.

Women don’t want a self-absorbed guy who only talks about himself, and who is just trying to get into her pants. Of course, this can be your ultimate goal; you just need to play it cool with a woman in the beginning, until she feels an emotional connection with you. Reassure her that you are listening by nodding at her and by making verbal comments such as "uh-huh," "yeah," and "oh really." Once a woman feels that you understand her, and you want to know all about her, she will relax and become more inclined to go to bed with you.

Show Interest and Ask Questions

When you are listening to a woman speak, you need to reassure her that you understand what she is saying. Use positive verbal comments, as I have outlined above, and be attentive.

Involve yourself in the conversation and demonstrate your interest.

Ask questions about what she is telling you. You want to ask her What? and How? questions to get more information from her. You mustn’t ask her Why? questions, though, as it will put her on the defensive and she may feel threatened. You don’t want to lose all the ground you’ve made so far by asking her an offensive question. Get background information about her: Did she grow up in this city? Where did she go to school? What brought her to this city, if she has moved here? Ask her about her work, what she likes about her work.

If she is telling you about a current situation or a problem she is having, ask her questions about how she feels, how she might deal with her situation, or what she has done so far to solve the problem. Show some interest and be involved in the conversation and you will surely impress her.

What NOT to Say

When you first meet a woman, you want to give her your best impression. When you read Chapter 3 What Women Want you learned the importance of a good first impression. This is when you want to portray your most attractive qualities. You don’t want to be rude, obnoxious, or degrading in front of a woman you are interested in. Do not talk about old girlfriends, do not make rude or sexual comments, and don’t criticize her or put her down. A woman won’t respond well to a man who is rude to her. The fastest way to get rejected is to give a woman no attention or to give her negative attention. She needs to feel relaxed and open around a man if she is going to go out with him.

Remember that you want to get along with a woman you are interested in. You need her to feel comfortable around you. If she is feeling threatened or insulted she will not be open to your advances. Never insult her, belittle her, or hurt her. This may sound obvious, but never ever do these things if you want to keep talking to a woman. If you insult her, she will immediately form a negative opinion of you and become defensive. Your chances with her are non-existent if you don’t show her respect.

Never look for pity love. Don’t tell her a sob story about how your dog is sick, or about how you just got dumped. Women don’t respect a man who looks for pity love. In her eyes, you are trying to use an unfortunate circumstance to get into her bed. Women have no patience for this behavior. Women also don’t have patience for pick-up lines like "Do you come here often?" A woman wants to feel that you are interested in her, not just any woman.

In addition, you should never say negative things about yourself. Use this time to show her all you have to offer. You want her to be attracted to you. Never verbalize submission – don’t apologize, don’t whine, don’t complain, and don’t criticize yourself or what you do. If she asks you what you do for a living, never say, "Oh, I’m just a _____." By using the word "just" you are telling her that you aren’t proud of what you do. She will get the impression that you lack confidence, and she will see this as a negative characteristic. You have to be relaxed and confident when you talk to a woman. You want her to see your positive traits so that she will be interested in getting to know you better.

Remember That…

Every time you engage in a conversation with a new prospect, you will be trying to get her vitals. You also need to find out if she is actually single, and if she is looking to meet someone. Most women will give you an honest answer if you ask her if she is single. You also should use comments in the conversation to clearly indicate that you are single. You don’t want to waste your time on a girl who isn’t looking for the same thing as you are. If she keeps talking to you, she is probably interested in you. However, watch out for women who are just out to boost their egos by leading on guys. These women enjoy the thrill of the chase but they have no intentions on following through on their actions. It is often difficult to spot these women, but here are a few clues to watch for: she is wearing a wedding ring; she seems to be flirting with and picking up several men in a short time; her gestures are flirty but not sexual; or she refuses to give her number when you ask.

During a conversation you need to balance asking questions and sharing information. Listen and pay attention to what she tells you, and be sure share your interests, passions and goals with her. You want to show this woman that you are sensitive and caring. It’s okay to appear vulnerable if it will help you get a woman into bed.

It is natural to feel anxious when talking to an attractive woman for the first time. Just behave the way you would during your first day at a new job – listen, smile and be agreeable. If you are nervous it is better to tell her you are nervous than to continually fidget with your straw or a napkin. Don’t be afraid to use comedy to ease tension. If you stumble on your words, make a joke about being so nervous around her that you can’t even talk. Just try to laugh it off.

When you meet a woman and are trying to have a good conversation with her, allow it to flow naturally. Don’t try to steer the conversation too soon. Just relax and enjoy talking to the woman in front of you. If you try to rush the conversation you may appear desperate, in which case you won’t get her number. You want to project confidence and have fun.

Be sure of yourself, relax and have fun and show your interest.

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