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Chapter 10: How To Get And Execute A Date

Once you start a conversation with a woman, you need to get her vitals. (You know all about getting her vitals from Chapter 8.) The most important piece of information to get is a means of future communication. You need to be able to get in touch with this woman to set up a date with her! Usually this means her number, either work or home. You can also consider asking for her email address, her location of work, or any other information that will help you contact her again soon. You will call her or visit her at work, or go to the same café that she frequents in hopes of seeing her. For the purposes of our discussions, I will primarily refer to her means of contact as her phone number.

To give out personal information, a woman needs to see a possible future with you. You need to impress this woman, talk to her and ask for her number. Once you get her number you have to know how to handle the phone call, the first date, and any subsequent dates. This chapter will help you make as few mistakes as possible when getting and executing a date. If you can master the art of getting a telephone number, then you are on the right track to getting all the women you could ever want!

Basic Considerations

Before you start walking up to women and asking them out, there are a few things you should know first. Here are some basic considerations to keep in mind when asking for a number, calling a woman, and asking her out for a date. These concerns are often overlooked because men don’t often consider these important points. This section will also address concerns that come up during the dating process. Take a good read through this material and make sure you don’t make any of the avoidable mistakes.

Prove You Are Trustworthy

Before a woman gives out her number to any man, she must be able to trust him. You should try to reassure her that you a normal, honest, hardworking guy who is worthy of her trust. Always offer your name in your introduction, and ask hers if she doesn’t offer it in her immediate reply. Try to use her name in the next couple of sentences to show her that you are courteous and attentive.

In your conversation, allude to your stable job, your involvement in a local sports team, or your family values if possible. You could tell her that you are exhausted from your soccer practice last night, or invite her out to a game on the weekend. Tell her you were visiting your parents on the weekend. Say anything (with some truth to it!) that will portray you as a sound, stable man. You want her to see you as a man worth getting to know – responsible, legitimate, and trustworthy. Reassure her that you are a decent guy before you ask for her number, so she is sure to agree.

Use a Business Card

An excellent way to establish credibility right away is to offer a woman your business card. This indicates stability and it is a way for her to verify what you tell her. If you tell her that you work in the same building, then present your business card, you establish trust. She will know right away if you are being honest. A business card is a little classier, too, when writing down a woman’s number. You will never again have to dig through your pockets or your wallet looking for a scrap piece of paper. If you don’t already have a business card, get some made up. If you don’t have a job that warrants a card, you can always make up a humorous occupation, like Lion Tamer or Breakfast Chef. This could be a great conversation piece, and you could have some fun with it if you wanted.

Get Her Number, Even if She Has Yours

Despite the fact that you have given a woman your card, you should always try to get her number. It comes back to the whole initiation thing… she might never call you if you give her your number, but you will surely make the first move to call her. You really want to go out with this woman, so you want to ensure you’ll have the chance to set up a date with her. Get her number.

Be Confident in Your Approach

When it comes right down to asking for her number, always be self-assured and direct. Being direct also helps with your credibility. You don’t want to be shy when you make your move. Prove to her that you know what you want, and that what you want is to take her out. Use simple, straightforward language, make eye contact, and tell her you want to see her again.

When to Contact Her

You really want to talk to this woman again, but you don’t want to seem too eager. The best time to call a woman is when you said you would call her. If you did not tell her when you would call her, then the best time to call a woman is within 3 days after getting her number. It might freak her out if you called a woman within twenty-four hours. Don’t call the very next day, unless you had plans to talk. You want to wait another day for good measure, and then call her after a few days. So, if you met a woman on Friday or Saturday night, then you would probably call her on Tuesday. Waiting a full week is usually too long, and a woman will take this as a sign of disinterest. You want her to know that you are interested, but not desperate.

When you decide to call, you want her to answer. If you have her work number, be sure to call during her work hours, and not at lunchtime. You want to have the best chance to get her on the line. If you have her home number, try to call when she will be home. Be careful not to call too early or too late, though. You don’t want to wake her up. You want her to be in a good mood when you talk to her, so do not annoy her by calling at some odd hour.

If you phone a woman and you have to leave a message, either on her voicemail or with a roommate, be sure to keep your message brief. Leave your name and when you are calling, and say you will call her back. You don’t want to leave a detailed message because then you are relying on her getting the information. If you don’t leave your number, you won’t expect her to call you back. This way, there is no waiting game, and you simply call her again. Always call a woman when you say you will call her to demonstrate reliability.

Making the Call

When you do finally make the call, and you have her on the line, what are you going to say? What are your goals of this phone call? It doesn’t take much time to make a few notes to your-self before hand. Write down what you want to say to her before you call her. It helps to have a guideline for your conversation, especially if you get flustered and aren’t sure what to say next. You should already have an idea for a date before you call. Allow room for compromise but always have a good suggestion to start from.

When you decide to pick up the phone to call a woman, you want to make sure that you won’t be distracted. You want to be able to give her your undivided attention. Make sure the TV, roommates, or other background commotion won’t distract you. Go into a private room and then dial her number. When she answers, make sure the first thing you do is say who you are. Don’t expect a woman to recognize your voice right away. Say your name, then don’t hesitate to remind her where you met. Once you are beyond introductions, make sure that you aren’t interrupting her. You already know that she wants to talk to you, because she gave you her number, so make sure that it is a good time for her. You don’t want to call during her favorite television program, or while she’s eating dinner, and have her feeling rushed to get off the phone. You want her to be relaxed so you can have a nice, casual conversation.

Once you re-establish your connection, and make small talk, you want to stick to your goals of this phone call. You need to ask her out on a date. When you ask her, be direct and enthusiastic. The best way to ask out a woman is to suggest an activity. Don’t get her to commit to a time just yet – you want to see if she is okay with the idea first. Suggest going for a hike, or for coffee, and ask her when she would like to meet to do this. You don’t want to be overbearing or bossy. Give the woman some control so she will have a better feeling about going out with you. Ask her how she would feel about meeting for coffee, or ask her if she would be interested in checking out a new restaurant in town for lunch on the weekend.

Once she accepts your invitation, the two of you can work out a mutual time to meet. Don’t be offended if it’s not right away. Remember that this woman has her own life, and she may be very busy. Once you agree when you will go out, be sure to figure out when and where you will meet. If you agree to pick her up, you should always phone before you leave to make sure you know where she lives. If you plan to meet somewhere, it doesn’t hurt to call earlier that day to confirm the place and time. This will show her that you are looking forward to your date and that you will be there on time.

By this point, your conversational goals should be attained. You have talked to her, you have got her thinking about you, and you have got a commitment for a date. This is the time to wrap up the phone call; you don’t want to drag out this first conversation. Save the getting-to-know-each-other talk for when you are together. Maintain control of the situation and let her know you have to get going, but that you are really looking forward to your date.

Your First Date

This is the first real opportunity to get to know this woman. You want to be involved in a casual and fun activity that allows interaction with her. You want to find out if she is someone you’d like to go out with again. She will be figuring out that same thing, so you want to be yourself. Don’t be overly emotional, or romantic. At this point you want to be cute, and allude to your willingness to get involved. Don’t pick her up in a limo and present her with a dozen roses, dinner at an expensive restaurant and a serenaded dance in the moonlight. This only works in the movies. In real life it would likely scare a woman away.

Don’t go overboard or spend too much money on the first date.

Use this date to feel the connection between you. This is when you are building a relationship with her. You want to find out more about this woman and what you have in common. You need to relax and be comfortable around her and evaluate her potential. Decide if you want to see her again, or if one date is enough with this woman. You don’t want to waste time and money taking out a woman that you don’t want or won’t have fun with.

If you are really interested in this woman, then you can work on building sexual chemistry (see Chapter 11), however, for your first date you don’t want to be too forward with your sexual interest. You want to flirt with her, and give her attention, but you don’t want to offend her with sexual advances! If you really like her, show her through subtle gestures like putting your hand on her back while she walks slightly ahead of you, or by giving her shoulder massage. Just take the time to check her out.

Do not pressure a woman to become sexual too soon.

If you are looking for a one-night stand then you should probably change your approach and your expectations. All good things come to those who wait; this is true for the good women, too. You have to understand that a woman with morals and/or values will want to trust a man and get to know him before going to bed with him.

Where to Go on a Date

An active approach to the first date usually works well for personal interaction and comfort levels. If you are both having fun then you’ll both be more receptive to the other person. The better time you have with her on the first date, the more time she will want to spend with you in the future. This section suggests a few great first date places, but you are by no means bound by or limited to these activities. The more fun you can have creating an awesome date the better. The woman you are interested in will notice any effort you make to ensure a fun time.

Go for coffee. This suggestion is a trendy pick-up line in itself. It is a date, but it isn’t formal. You both can be relaxed and you will be in a familiar environment. You can go to a restaurant, a café, or a popular coffee shop. It’s a great opportunity to talk and get to know each other with high comfort levels. You want a woman to feel at ease around you. Another good thing about meeting for coffee is the opportunity to continue your date. If you are both having a really good time, you can suggest another activity like going for a walk.

Go out for drinks. This is also a pretty common first date activity. It usually means a later date, likely after dinner, and the setting can be a little more intimate. Though this sounds silly, going for drinks on a first date is a good way to relax and open up. Consuming alcohol usually allows people to feel less reserved, so a few drinks can make for a more personal converstion. Careful not to get drunk though, or you may lose you inhibitions all together and make a fool of yourself. Usually 2-3 drinks is a pretty good time limit for your date. Also, ending your date before you get drunk will ensure a safe drive home.

There are many variations to going for drinks depending on what you both want out of this date. A quieter environment is better for talking, but if you want to go out dancing then a nightclub is more appealing. Figure out what would suit you both before you decide where you will go for drinks.

Getting active. This type of date is usually pretty fun and interactive. You can suggest any activity that you are both familiar with, like hiking or in-line skating. Or you can suggest trying something new, like indoor rock climbing. This can be fun and exciting, and the thrill of trying something new together will create a stronger bond. An active date is really good for relaxing the mind, because you focus on what you are doing and you tend to be less nervous about the person you are with.

Go sightseeing. Have you ever gone to the local monument building? The museum? The zoo? These activities can be a great way to explore your own city, and have fun at the same time. These dates are usually more casual and free flowing. There is less anxiety, because you will be in a public place, and there will be lots to see and talk about.

Whichever kind of date you suggest, be sure to incorporate personal decisions. Try to avoid "movie dates" at the beginning, as you don’t get much chance to talk. Dinner dates can sometimes be a bad choice as well, because they often cost more and the time obligation is significant, especially if you find that this woman isn’t what you want.

Your Second Date

Provided you liked her enough to ask for a second date, now is the time to turn on the charm and to start really showing your interest. The second date is usually when the sexual chemistry starts to build and the attraction grows. This date should be more intimate and romantic. Don’t be hesitant to spend money on the second date; after all, you already know you like her. A nice, simple way to show your interest is to show up with a single flower. Or, if you know a personal tidbit about her, show her you pay attention by bringing her something personal. If she mentioned that she has a dog, take her a couple of doggie biscuits when you pick her up. No woman can resist thoughtful gestures like that!

You want to impress her with your good conversation and listening skills. You want her to feel appreciated and desired. Good manners are important at this point. You want to be respectful and make her feel like a princess. Open her car door first, allow her to enter the restaurant first, let her sit down first, and pick up the tab. Yes, I said pick up the tab. At this point, unless you have discussed going "dutch" prior to the date, you should pay the bill. Your willingness to expend time and money indicates your definite interest in a woman.

The end of the second date should be romantic as well. If you are driving her home, be sure to get out and walk her to her door. When you say goodnight there will probably be a little anxiety for both of you. If the mood is right, and she is looking at you, you should give her a goodnight kiss. If you kiss her on the lips, it should only be lips – no tongue. Press your lips against hers and kiss once. Then slowly pull away and smile at her. At this point follow her lead. If she offers no lead, then say goodnight and tell her you will call her tomorrow. If you do not think she is ready, at least kiss her cheek or her hand. This will let her know that you are definitely interested.

Your Third Date

If you have gotten a third date with a woman, chances are good that she wants to take your relationship further. This is the date that will determine your future with this woman. One of three things will happen: you will start kissing her, and take her to bed; you will kiss and make out a lot but won’t have sex; or you will make an advance to kiss her and she will turn you down. If she turns you down, then you know you’ll never go out with her again romantically. If you take her to bed on the third date, then you definitely know where you stand. Hopefully she will want to explore this sexual relationship further. If she returns your sexual advances, and you kiss and make out, then you know that taking her to bed is just around the corner. You may have to wait a few more dates, but as you already know, good things come to those who wait.

Most women will actually expect you to
kiss her by the third date.

The pretense for this date is like the second date, but you should ensure more intimacy. If you go out together, make her feel special, show her a good time, and pick up the tab again. If you went out for dinner on your second date, and you want something a little more intimate, then a great way to romance a woman is to make her dinner at your place. Or, if you aren’t a great cook, then you could suggest you order in. If she agrees to go to your place, either for a movie or for dinner, then she should be more than receptive to your advances.

Make sure your place is clean and inviting. Charm her and romance her as you cuddle on the couch waiting for dinner. Or you could eat out, and then go to your place to watch a movie. The transition from dating to sleeping together is much more natural if a woman is already at your place.

Summing Up the Dating Experience

Once you get her number, you have to initiate setting up a date. Make sure you go out and have fun while getting to know each other. The more you like a woman, the more you should impress her on the second date. Decide by the end of the second date if she is what you’re looking for. Reserve the third date for intimate romance, and take the opportunity to express your sexual interest. It is perfectly acceptable for you to kiss a woman on the third date.

After the third date, you should be getting more intimate with a woman if you haven’t already. The next chapter will show you how to make a woman more attracted to you, and then you will move into Chapter 12 How to Get Woman to Sleep With You.

Chapter 11 - Click Here